Desperation
by Scarpaw
Summary: This is what Judai went through while calling Johan those times in my story Judai. Sort of a sequel-ish type. Posted because of requests for a sequel! Spiritshipping implied Heroshipping


Alright, well sometime ago, a reviewer asked me if I was going to do a sequel to my songfic **Judai**. I thought about it long and hard, and well, this isn't exactly a sequel, but it strill made me feel like I was going to cry as I wrote it. It's basically what Judai was going through and stuff when he called Johan those times in **Judai**. Trust me, I hope you like it becuase it took me like, five times to find the right song for this and I still don't know if it's the right song.

_Pairings_: Spiritshipping (JohanxJudai)

Slight/Implied Heroshipping (JudaixEdo)

**Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh GX or the songs Desperation**** by Miranda Lambert and Austin**** by Blake Shelton**

_**Desperation**_

Judai stared at his phone like he did every other night. Tonight was the night he was going to call Johan, he just knew it!

Judai dialed the phone number he remembered Johan last had… last year… He knew that it might not be Johan, but he just had to try!

The phone rang and rang and rang and Judai had to fight his self-control and his conscious that was screaming to hang up the phone, that he wasn't ready for this. Finally, the phone was picked up, and Judai prepared to talk, when an answering machine started talking instead.

"_**If you're callin' 'bout the car, I sold it. If this is Tuesday night I'm bowlin'.**_ _**If you've got somethin' to sell, you're wastin' your time, I'm not buyin'.**_ _**If it's anybody else, wait for the tone,**_ _**you know what to do!**_" Judai waited for the tone to come, but what came next caused him to drop the phone.

"_**And P.S., if this is Judai, I still love you.**_" Judai dropped the phone and slid down the side of his counter, trying his hardest not to shake. He still loved him? How was that possible?

He abandoned him last year, but Johan still loved him? Judai just couldn't believe it. How could Johan stay hanging on that long? Judai had thought surely that he would have given up by now.

He thought he himself that would be the only kind of idiot to hang on so long for a guy, but Johan too? He still loved Judai and Judai still loved him. But, Judai couldn't go back to Johan, not after what he did.

Judai waited three days before calling Johan again, dreading every moment of it. He was unsure if he could actually do this. What if he didn't pick up? What if it was his answering machine again? Judai waited until the phone was picked up.

"_**If it's Friday night I'm at the ballgame,**_ _**and first thing Saturday, if it don't rain,**_ _**I'm headed out to the lake,**_ _**and I'll be gone all weekend long.**_" It was the answering machine again. Judai tried his hardest not to collapse, crying. "_**But I'll call back when I get home,**_ _**on Sunday afternoon.**_" He didn't break until the next part came.

"_**And P.S., if this is Judai, I still love you.**_" Judai collapsed, crying. He still couldn't believe it, even over the three days he had had to think about it. He still couldn't understand why Johan still loved him.

Swallowing back his tears and trying his best not to sound like he was crying, he just gave his number before hanging up. As tears flowed from his eyes, he tried to calm himself as he hung up the phone.

He hung up the phone and made to leave the kitchen, but it rung just as he was leaving causing him to jump at least a foot in the air. Judai dashed over to the phone picking it up and saying a quick hello, hoping not to faint or break down in tears. It couldn't be Johan, it just couldn't be!

And it wasn't.

"Judai?" The voice over the phone asked, semi-laced with concern. Judai's voice became slightly downcast, but it was hardly noticeable unless someone heard it all the time.

"Hi Edo," Judai replied over the phone. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, what about you?" Edo replied, slightly suspicious. "You seem down, what happened?" Judai sighed, and Edo pressed his phone closer to his ear. Whatever it was, Judai seemed really down about it.

"I called Johan…" Judai murmured so low that if Edo hadn't had his phone pressed so close to his ear and had been listening so intently, he would have missed it.

"And?" Edo asked. "What did he say?" So that explained Judai's behavior. He had tried calling Johan before, but never had he gotten through before, and normally ended up in hysterics with Edo coming over to try calming him down. Judai did really feel bad about ditching Johan last year.

Edo braced himself, waiting for the waterworks.

"I got his answering machine…" Judai replied quietly, and Edo sighed, preparing to say something, before Judai added quietly: "Twice…"

That surprised Edo. Judai called Johan _twice_? That was surprising, especially seeing as he didn't wind up calling himself afterwards. Yet, Edo had a feeling that he called just shortly after the second phone call.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Edo asked Judai, waiting for the usual answer.

"No…" Judai replied. Edo sighed.

"Look," Edo said. "I was just calling if you wanted to go out tonight with me, Ryo and Jun. Well, what do you think?" Judai's usual answer for this was yes, but something told Edo that Judai wouldn't want to go out tonight.

"Not tonight, sorry Edo…" Judai responded, sounding depressed. "Maybe some other time…" Edo sighed.

"Do you want me to come over?" Edo asked, knowing full well that he was going to come over whether Judai wanted him to or not.

"If you want to…" Judai responded, making circles on his countertop with his finger. He really just wanted to be alone, but knowing Edo, he was more than likely to come over.

"I'll be over in ten minutes," Edo responded. "I just have to call Ryo and Jun, alright?" However, what Edo said fell to a dial tone as Judai had already hung up his phone.

Sighing, Edo hung up his phone and started dialing Ryo's number. The quicker he got this done, the quicker he could get to Judai's apartment.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Judai sat on his couch, one leg tucked under the other with the other hanging off of the couch. He just couldn't stop thinking about things- Johan, mainly.

"_Throw a dog a bone I'll take it if I have to_,"Judai sighed, picking up a scrapbook, flipping through it. It was filled with pictures of family and friends- most being Johan. "_Go real fast like there's somewhere we can get to. What's the use of standing right there on the edge if there ain't nowhere to fall?_" Judai sighed again and snapped the scrapbook shut and glanced at the phone. "_What's the use in hanging on tight to the phone if nobody might call?_"

"_Desperation,_" Judai sighed, turning for the window."_There's danger in frustration. Complicated words slipping off of your tongue and ain't one of them the truth. I'm still desperate for you." _That was the truth more than anybody realized. Judai sighed and pulled himself off of the couch and moved to get a better view outside of his window.

"_Tell it like a lie live it like a movie,"_ Judai murmured as he watched the lights of passing cars on the street below race by._ "Give a heart away like it don't mean nothing to me. What's the use in making all the plans that we made if you weren't gonna go? What's the use of slapping on a smile for a face if your eyes don't wanna show-?"_ Judai sighed, tearing his eyes away from the window and making his way back to the couch.

"_Desperation,"_ Judai said,"_There's danger in frustration. Complicated words slipping off of your tongue and ain't one of them the truth. I'm still desperate for you."_ Placing himself back on the couch, Judai picked up his scrapbook again, looking at all of the pictures again, looking at them all.

"_Well it's too damn bad you didn't have a chance to make me your best friend," _Judai slammed the scrapbook shut again, even fiercer than last time. "_You were too caught up in giving too much up and not doing what you should have been."_ Judai sighed yet again, setting the book down again, tears burning hot in his eyes, yet he refused to let them fall.

"_Desperation,"_ Judai murmured. "_There's danger in frustration. Complicated words slipping off of your tongue and ain't one of them the truth, __I'm still desperate for you."_ Judai nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt someone wrap him in a hug, but it didn't matter as he let the tears flow, hot and warm.

Edo was here. Edo was always here.

Off to the side, the phone rang, causing Judai to noticeably and visibly freeze. That was right… he had called Johan on Sunday… And the answering machine had said that he'd be back on Sunday…

Arm shaking like a leaf in a hurricane, Judai reached for the phone, picking it up and bringing it to his ear, trying his hardest not to drop it with his shaking. Edo's hand put itself over Judai's hand, helping his hand stay steady on the phone as it was brought to Judai's ear. Edo pressed the button to pick up, and Judai started talking before anything else could be said, trying his hardest not to burst into tears then and there.

"_If you're callin' bout my heart,_" Judai told Johan over the phone, "_It's still yours.__I should've listened to it a little more._ _Then it wouldn't have taken me so long to know where I belong."_ Tears were swelling in Judai's eyes, and Edo gently brushed them away, one hand still on Judai's, steadying the phone.

"_And by the way, boy, this is no machine you're talkin' to!_" Judai told Johan, voice wavering and shaking slightly. "_Can't you tell, this is Judai, and I still love you.__"_ Judai paused, and Edo held the phone in place still, just in case there was something on the other side being said still, or if Judai wanted to say something else still.

"_I still love you,__" _Judai murmured quietly finally, and hung the phone up himself and flung it halfway across the room before hugging Edo himself and crying on his shoulder.

Edo was there. Edo would always be there, no matter how many stupid things he did.

Edo wouldn't leave him.

_**The End**_

I'm sorry if it was really bad... Or if you don't like the pairing... Or if it's completely and utterly terrible... Yeah...

Well, on a happier note, let's think of it as my way of officially welcoming summer vactaion into some kids lives because starting today for me and some other kids out there, Summer Vacation has started! ^_^ And as a graduation present to all those SS or HS fans who are graduating this year! ^_^

Please read and review and tell me what you think!

-Scarpaw Signing Out-


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